she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
