No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
