i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
