No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
