I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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