Only a mothe r could love this liver
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sober January is a disaster.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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