Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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