Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize