You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
