One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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