the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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