roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
They have beer where we have blood.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize