why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
