before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
