He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My life is pants optional.
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