Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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