Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Randomize