I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
