So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
