I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Rumble strips road head = magical
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
