During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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