So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
