Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
