EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
