woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
