and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
