Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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