we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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