I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
