Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
