She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
