Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
