shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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