Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Farmville is her only friend.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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