Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
