in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
