Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
