im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
