Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
