Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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