areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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