we made out on top of his cat.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
