hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
