im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
