They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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