You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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