one two three fourrrrnication!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
