if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
