I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
