I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
