Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
