No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
