when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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