dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
