shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
