Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sext me about skeletons
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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