we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize