My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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