i'm signing you up for texting rehab
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
