all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
