I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
