you guys were way drunker than both of me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
