she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
