I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Less talking, more tequila
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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