Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
