party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
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