dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
