I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize