apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have surprise drugs for everyone
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
