Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
