i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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